Nightmares

                         

Nightmare-fighting demons

They’re fighting for my sins

To keep on going

“We’re your friends

we’re not leaving

It’s what we’re feeding on

You reap what you sow 

And the reaper foresaw 

Your belief in grand scheme 

And your deeds to redeem

To heaven you’re not going

Hell shall claim you first 

Guess your soul is cursed 

You’re so fucking tired?

You haven’t seen a thing 

That’s  your brain wired

Like a puppet on a string

But you have to cut it loose.”

“I’m hanging from a noose

I’m not writing my will

I’ve already lost it 

That’s how I put it

God bestow upon us 

And save the worthless 

In death, solace I sought 

Or is it what I thought?”

Prisoner of freedom

The vehicle moving, time had stopped at this moment. I felt disconnected from my surroundings, everything and everyone. The sounds were muted, all the lamppost lights and hazy car lights in sight were fading.  I was staring as the vehicle was aligned next to our bus. A distorted image of a head appeared behind the metal railings. The vehicle was transporting prisoners. They were silent, not uttering a word about freedom or even protesting about their imprisonment. I was  pondering about how I'd feel if I were in there instead.  Smothered, breathing the minimal oxygen reaching me through the metal railings of what it seemed to be a window. The 4 walls closing in on me, With other people, making the space unbearable and impossible to stay conscious in there. That "window"? I see it as the last glimpse of freedom that I will ever have. As if I'm being mocked for even looking through it. I'm not going out anytime soon. What deed have I done? When will I ever have the willpower to live the life I've missed behind bars? When will I ever see my beloved ones? Am I going to be rehabilitated to live a normal life? What makes normality credible? "Normal is an illusion. What's normal for the spider is chaos for the fly." We're on our way to the court. Are they going to say the verdict? Are they going to set me free? It's foreshadowing. I can't tell. You're not the hands of God pulling strings of my fate. I exhaled till my chest ached for the last time before I got back to my virtual seat in the vehicle not having them manipulating me into peaking to the outer world. I won't give up and look through your metal railings. I snapped back to reality, to my actual mindset and journey to my house. 

Life is a Greek myth

Was it Daedalus' fault to begin with? He was the one who built Labyrinth from  the start, knowing it was such a dreadful deed and it was going to backfire on him eventually. Or was it Icarus' fault because he disobeyed his father or is he to be blamed for his recklessness? Maybe all of this could have been avoided if Minos forgave Daedalus or even if he had never demanded him to build it!
Don't we all resemble one of these Greek mythological characters? Are you the ambitious reckless Icarus? Are you the tyrant king Minos?  Are you a rebellious who got fedup from serving the chaos as Daedalus? We're all stuck in Labyrinth; life. I guess we're all made of wax and feathers and we  have to figure a way out through life, we have to fly.

 

The whereabouts of Me

The provocative whereabouts of your position in people's lives. "Where do you stand in your loved ones' lives?"
You feel consumed by your existence. You're trying to stand out and prove you need to earn a spot in their daily lives. Like a glimmering star in their galaxy. You want to be their priority. Their missing piece in the puzzle. The vulnerability of your emotions, is depleting your affection. Like an exposed rose with its petals carried away with the wind of indifference. Now, there's  nothing left to be seen but the thorns. It was when their words and actions were in vain that you couldn't care less more than ever. They left you with a false sense of belonging. Hoping to get back and you'll be still waiting with the vacant memory they left behind. You ended up with a hollow heart and brain. Wallowed in your  dark thoughts giving yourself the right to hate, to despise those who walked on you. Earnestly wanting to end up with the right fears.

Into the rabbit hole

Don't be afraid
Step inside
Take a closer look...
Welcome to my wonderland.
Into the rabbit hole, I flee. Don't dig deeper in my thoughts as you'll never hit the bottom of my elusive unspoken words. I barricade my dreams against blackholes of devastation. I will forfight for my soul to wander till eternity in the maze of expectations. Run, run towards the woods of endless possibilities. I'm the Alice in my wonderland. But, I'm not lost. I'm a wanderer with every inch of fear in my mind. The walls of my wonderland won't collapse on me until the glimpse of freedom fades away.
Into the rabbit hole I'll always flee....

Like different phases of the moon

Change is an inevitable paradox.  It is lingering in our restless minds. We all fear the unknown, the changes and what would happen if...? Yet, we secretly hope to change, to break the daily routine. Patiently impatient for others to change, for us to change and live up to their expectations subconsciously. In request to seek the missing pieces of the puzzle of our lives; the loose ends. The loose ends in every story of untold mysteries of people. People whom we wait to change our stories by changing theirs.  People whom we used to call friends, family, soul mates, colleagues and their nominations continue to vary. They used to be your everyday routine. Reminiscing how your heart beats were so loud echoing in your chest, like trampling upon floor full of glass shards in their presence. Now, you look in their eyes, hauntingly. Knowing that their absence is a loose end of an old unraveled mystery, yet it's the threshold of a new adventure. Maybe, you are a loose end in someone's life. You changed, too. In desperate need to embrace who you used to be is in the past with every piece of puzzle you unraveled. You became what you promised yourself and others you won't. You choose the phase, the change, the better you of both; past and present. It's a matter of unnatural selection. We all change to adapt. The moon changes its shape through phases. You get to see the dim and the lit sides of the moon through the interval of time. Even when the moon is embedded in the clouds barely seen, you love that invisibility like a well hidden treasure. How mesmerising the moon's captivating changing perspectives. It's the transformation of the moon that makes you grateful to change. Like the different phases of the moon, we change. You and I change. we get to see the different beauty of the dim and lit sides of people through intervals of life. Individuals resembling another phase of a beautiful transformation. Just like the moon, we change....

Just an incandescent thought

For delusion of love has become my new reality. A glimpse to your igniting soul is all that my misguided heart needs. You thwart my lucent dreams of hope. I can not tell whether your manipulative words are sincere or not. Your jokes, your smiles, the locking of our eyes. Is it true? Is it really happening? Am I falling for you? The pondering means I already did. How to undo such deed? Neither the overthinking nor the oblivion helps.
I want to have faith in you, let you be the beacon to my sanctuary.

-With courtesy to the photographer of the image.